Sweet shirt bro

We spend so much time focused on our appearance.

We're built that way. Can't help it.

I come from a family that's never had (that I'm old enough to remember) any real problems with money. I've always tried to look poorer than I actually was though. I think it comes from the fact that when I was younger some kids in my group of friends lived in a trailer park and I was maybe ashamed of the abundance of foodstuff at our house, at all my shoes and pants and shirts and gaming systems so I started changing what I presented to people.

They were the tough kids too. Survival instinct? If I don't look too much like a nerd they won't beat me up?

After that, throughout high school I'd wear army pants, loose t-shirt, black hoodie.

Pretty sure Kurt Cobain had something to do with it too...

We spend so much time searching for just the right article of clothing. We do it so much in fact that we congratulate each other on a fucking t-shirt we bought.

We didn't design it. We didn't sow it. We didn't have anything to do with the creation, production, shipping of that particular product. All we did was walk around on our free time in a giant area dedicated to stuff for our appearance and spend our money on it.

"Fucking sweet shirt bro"
"Thanks man"

I've said it, I've heard it. It gives me a honest feeling of pride and happiness. Yesssss, the dude at Soundcentral likes my new Stormtrooper t-shirt! I remember that day, I was looking for leftover weekend passes to the first Pouzzafest. It was sunny and I was full of pep.

Fucking ludicrous.

I have tons of t-shirts. I gave a lot away to charity before leaving on my trip, about 3 garbage bags worth. The ones left are - for the most part - band shirts bought in live shows. I'd like to think I bought them mostly to support the groups but in reality it's because of what it makes me look like when I wear it - that's why I kept them too, it's my favourite image of myself. Not the comic book geek nor the slightly-outdoorsy guy but the show-goer.

We spend so much time fine-tuning what our outside looks like.

Is it to hide what's inside?

Is it rather to showcase what makes us, us, without having to talk to each other?

What if we started to focus all that time and energy on something else?

What if we started to make our core beautiful?

They say the eyes are the window to the soul.

I don't believe in the concept of a soul.

I do believe in smiles though. It's one of my favourite things. I like to smile, I like to make people smile.

It's contagious.

It's free.

Le Bum

When I was in high school everyone used to call me ''Le Bum'', probably because of my attire. I would pretty much wear cargo pants and a black sweatshirt every day, and so people thought my parents were poor. I just didn't give a crap about watches, necklaces... I'd change shoes when I couldn't skateboard in them anymore...

I've been living in my friends' house for the past 2 weeks, in their guest room. The last of my belongings that have not been boxed in are with me: my tv, my ps3 (gotta game!), my ipod (music!), and a portion of my clothes.

I told my parents I was not moving back to the condo I was renting from them, when I get back from asia. I'm tired of fighting with them. And so, for the first time in 5 years, I don't really have a place to call my own. A strange feeling is constantly over me these days, like I need people to get by. I've always been independent and proud, so it's quite a new sensation, and I don't really like it.

This is what made me think of my high school nickname. Le Bum. Truly, these days, I am. I am unemployed for the next few months too, with no regular income. That is also a first in 10 years.

Strange how everything is liberating however. No insurance to pay. No cable, internet, heating, no need to get up in the morning, no cats to feed... nothing to worry about.

Exactly how I thought I'd live my life when I was younger.

Today is my last day in this house in the suburbs. I have another friend who is visiting Turkey and asked me to watch his place and take care of his cat, and so when I'm done been lazy, I'll be going there.

When I get back from my trip, I'll be couch surfing again. Living off people's generosity, trying to get back with much less than what I'm used to.

It's quite a humbling experience.