I am having a very humbling day here in Nha Trang, as I write these lines in a little notebook at a small temple on top of a hill overlooking the city. Tin and her cousins are taking me out for a meal and a prayer. I feel under dressed in my swimsuit (it's laundry day).
I met Tin last night while going home. She is a flyer girl / waitress in a bar in town. She handed me a flyer but I told her that I was going to bed. She asked me why, am I on a holiday after all? I told her I'm trying to get used to getting up early, because I am a teacher. She grabbed my wrist, her eyes getting bigger. "Can you help me? Lesson?" I answered "Sure, tomorrow, 10 am, I give you a lesson, you buy me a coffee". With a huge smile she shakes my hand and says, yes, thank you, see you tomorrow!
Today. Tin tells me she hopes to have a boyfriend either from Canada, Holland, Germany or Poland because men from these countries are always nice (Nha Trang is over-run by Russians, last night one man asked if he could buy her a beer and fuck her, she slapped him, he slapped her back and was kicked out of the bar). Vietnamese boyfriends drink everyday, she tells me, and hit their girlfriends when they're drunk, like it happened to her cousin who is with us. She is pretty, with a smoking body and delicate manners. I notice for the first time, what I mistook for a small birthmark under her right eye, is in fact a bruise concealed by make-up.
Tin is praying right now, on her knees, forehead resting on the back of her hands, on the floor. She is praying to a lady Buddha, perched on a lotus, on top of a globe, itself towering over a shrine and steps.
It is very quiet here, compared to the buzzing city centre. Little dogs are sleeping everywhere and cripples wait patiently for a hand out. An old woman with tiny legs, sitting on the ground, looks at me and says "Money" while holding in her hands small bills. I thank her and pretend to take the money, everyone laughs. I am left alone after that. A monk in brown robes, wearing glasses, is copying a text from a small book onto cardboard while serving people who want to buy water, fruit, incense. The smell of incense fills the air.
The small temple has no roof. It is built on top of a conic tower, you drive in circles around it to get to the top. There are small shrines at every cardinal points of the platform.
The monk is preparing for a ceremony, setting a pillow at the foot of the stairs. he also sets a small table and boxes of beer that appear very light, full of little holes.
He kneels on the pillow, in front of the statue where Tin was praying earlier, prepares his microphone, puts on his reading glasses.
A Lasapso, absolutely dirty, scratches himself on the shrine's steps, not too far away.
The monk rings a bell a few times and starts his prayer. Women kneel behind him for prayer.
At a certain point, he hits the bell 3 times and everyone bows to the ground, before he starts chanting.
Tin tells me she comes here to pray every day. I ask her what she prays for. As I thought, she is praying for a boyfriend, for a good man to come to her. She said she also prayed for me, that I will find work in Saigon and meet a beautiful woman.
Many people just arrived, probably from work, on their lunch break. The monk is still chanting.
Minutes later, a lot of the people who gave water bottles as offerings - set at the foot of the statue on a golden altar with rising golden dragons - are taking them back and drinking from them. I ask Tin why they take the water back. She takes her own water bottle and tells me "I tell the Buddha, I will drink this whole bottle of water that I gave you, to show you my devotion. When I finish it, please reward me with a good man".
The monk now dips a big yellow flower in a bowl of water, delicately, to then bless whatever is in the boxes of beer in front of him.
Tin is next to me, speaking with her cousin. She is crying. When they are done, I ask her why she is crying. She is crying but she is strong, she tells me. She meets lots of men at the bar, but none are nice to her. She had a westerner boyfriend, but she left him when he started convincing her that it was okay for him to sleep with other women. She had a Vietnamese boyfriend as well, but he was treating her like property. Another Vietnamese man proposed to her, for she is always smiling and he wants a happy wife. He gave her 10 million Dongs so she could buy pretty clothes. In the end, she turned him down, because he was 50, the same age as her father.
The other bar girls tell her she is stupid, because she will not fuck men for money. An American offered 5 million Dongs for her "just to come to his hotel room and sleep in his bed, nothing else". She did not take the offer. Most bar girls make 2 million Dongs a month. She doesn't care about money, she wants love, from a good man.
As we talk, I miss the opening of the beer boxes. The monk let out the blessed birds within. When this was done, he came barefeet to sit at our ceramic table and speak with the girls. His eyes are surrounded by smiling lines, his eyes appear completely honest. He smiles a lot. I think he is giving them advice. He looks at me often and I think he is asking questions about me.
After that, everyone went for a nap, while I retreated to my hotel room to plan the next few days. The day after, I would take Tin to the Ba Ho waterfalls where we would play a little bit in the cascades, watch a group of Vietnamese people drink beer and play music, and clandestinely look at a couple in their forties, cuddling in a pool of water, kissing. This is not a scene you see often, as people are very reserved here.
That night, Tin tells me I am a very good man, because I did not ask her for boom boom and offered to give her lessons instead. She tells me that I should stay in Nha Trang, that she will cook for me every day. She asks if I want kids. Jokingly, I say, I want 10. She answers, I will give you 20. I will start with a baby boy.
I tell her, you don't know me. I've made a few girls sad in my life, she should not give herself to me so easily. I am going to Saigon to work, and I might never come back to Nha Trang.
"I wait for you. 10 years. You will be 40, I will be 33. Then I give you a baby boy, and I cook for you"
"Don't wait for me. Live your life."
"Okay. Thank you for being honest."
If you take the time to get to know people, if you give your time to them, you are often rewarded with smiles and good memories. My stay in Nha Trang was no exception. Sometimes though, you get to be hit in the face full-force by the reality of their lives.
Keep your head up, Tin. Good things will come to you.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Sunday, 8 March 2015
Wednesday, 3 December 2014
Sabaidee! Pai Sai?
Today I'm splurging.
And by splurging I mean using an actual computer to do actual planning for the next 2 months while eating a giant bacon burrito. I ordered the ham one first because in Laos ham is slang for penis and sometimes they can't help themselves but smile when they hear it.
I've been meaning to try and describe Don Det to friends through text but it is quite impossible. You just have to get here.
The meaning of the term "Time slows down" was probably born here. I should say... Here, it's swinging in a hammock, listening to someone's ukulele.
Imagine a place, so hot you don't want to move and neither do the locals. You find a quiet little restaurant overlooking the Mekong river (named Namkhong here, Nam means water) where you sit on a small mattress and eat on tables just inches off the floor. You get up only to turn the fan on. When the meal is done, you push your plate back and lay down on the floor and promptly fall asleep for 2 hours.
On Don Det, it is considered extremely rude to wake someone up from a nap. I fucking love it.
My first day back, as soon as I step on this holy soil I see Manni, 4-year resident and party animal. It is his tradition to greet the newcomers freshly off the boats. Next to him is Alex, a guy who was on Don Det at the same time as me last time I was here, 2 years ago. He was back to say hello too, turns out he came back exactly at the same time as me.
Amazeballs.
Another Manni tradition is to get the returning Don Det family members absolutely plastered. So after I set my bags down at One More Bar, give Ken a giant hug, say hi to my Lao family and distribute my meager gifts I head to Happy Bar where a giant joint is waiting.
It's about noon. By 4pm I am sleeping off the excess booze and herb on said small mattress in One More Bar. I wake up to eat something and have a good, hearty talk with Ken about everything. I missed this place so much.
At one point, Noua passed by on a bicycle. Noua is the neighbor's kid. She's witty, always laughing and always running everywhere - quite extraordinary for a Lao person - and last time it was our little game that I'd try to catch her every time she'd walk by. So, I'm sitting by the "road" talking and she passes by. I see her and my mouth lets out a "Oh!" sound. She turns her head. Recognizes me right away, even after a 2 year absence and a giant beard missing. I start running after her. She's laughing so hard she can't pedal anymore. Such a good moment.
The next 2 days were spent getting acclimated - meaning napping all day - and just going around saying hi to all the residents of this amazing island. They don't remember who I am usually, but after I explain that I shaved or show them a picture of last time, their face lightens up and we share an immense smile.
Papao, another of the neighbor's kids, the one who isn't afraid of anything and has a kind of crazy strut and look in his eye, can't remember me. "Pei, tell him I'm the one that used to throw him so hard into the river". She translates. His eyes and smile become enormous, he throws himself in my arms.
There was Sun's 1st birthday party. Adam's boy. Adam is married to Pei. They live behind Ken's house. We're sitting in One More Bar chatting when the father of the family quietly struts by. Tells Ken, without ever slowing down or even looking at him, "We're having beer". Ken laughs. It's inevitable, everyone's getting hammered tonight.
Driving at night to a Lao party in a rice field on Ken's battered scooter. Suddenly, in the middle of the road, a snake about 5 feet long. Black with yellow stripes. Good girth too. I call him Lucic. "Woooooiiiii!" Ken goes and avoids the snake (his brakes are out). "Fuck, Etienne, I lose my mind I so scared. This snake, number 1 danger in Lao. He bite, you die in minute". Quite the adrenaline rush.
A few days later, we're all sharing beers. Rachid tells me, he had the scare of his life, he was walking in the dark, quite high, and almost stepped on this black and yellow snake. But it was dead. Ken is laughing so hard. His new friend and ultimate badass, Sit, had crossed the snake one night and killed it. He doesn't even remember how, he says, it was just instincts. As a joke, he lay the snake in the middle of the road to scare people.
There's a few differences on the island since the last time. I'm here during low season, it's much more quiet. We still get rain almost every day. I guess as a direct result, I see more wildlife. I've seen about 6 snakes in 2 weeks, last time in 3 months I saw only one. More locals and ex-pats talk to me, I guess because I've returned, shown my interest in the place. I've even let the word out that I'm looking to settle down here one day to see what happens. Result: "Eh-Tee-Enn! I speak with my friend. He has daughter. If you have money, you can marry her no problem!" "Is she pretty?" "I didn't see".
In a place with not much to do and small population, gossip is an important activity. You have to be careful. Anything you say will travel. You can lose face that way. Or make new friends.
I've picked up a few more words and am starting to be able to create sentences. I've realized that every single time you go walking, people ask you where you're going. Pai Sai? Go where? You don't even have to reply, it's just a way to start the conversation. Most people just point ahead with their chin and smile. When you walk back, they ask you where you were. Every. Single. Time.
I don't know how to describe Don Det. How about, a place where you go to rent a bungalow for one day, help the family write a sign down for their restaurant. All of a sudden, you're part of the crew. You get to eat Pho for free. You get to sit down with them on the floor and watch Thai tv, drinking beer with Papa or cuddle with the daughter, depending on your sex. Next thing you know, your visa is running out. It's been a month.
A place where hammocks are only outnumbered by smiles, where locals and foreigners mingle naturally, where time is quietly napping in the shade and no one will wake it up.
I love you, Don Det.
And by splurging I mean using an actual computer to do actual planning for the next 2 months while eating a giant bacon burrito. I ordered the ham one first because in Laos ham is slang for penis and sometimes they can't help themselves but smile when they hear it.
I've been meaning to try and describe Don Det to friends through text but it is quite impossible. You just have to get here.
The meaning of the term "Time slows down" was probably born here. I should say... Here, it's swinging in a hammock, listening to someone's ukulele.
Imagine a place, so hot you don't want to move and neither do the locals. You find a quiet little restaurant overlooking the Mekong river (named Namkhong here, Nam means water) where you sit on a small mattress and eat on tables just inches off the floor. You get up only to turn the fan on. When the meal is done, you push your plate back and lay down on the floor and promptly fall asleep for 2 hours.
On Don Det, it is considered extremely rude to wake someone up from a nap. I fucking love it.
My first day back, as soon as I step on this holy soil I see Manni, 4-year resident and party animal. It is his tradition to greet the newcomers freshly off the boats. Next to him is Alex, a guy who was on Don Det at the same time as me last time I was here, 2 years ago. He was back to say hello too, turns out he came back exactly at the same time as me.
Amazeballs.
Another Manni tradition is to get the returning Don Det family members absolutely plastered. So after I set my bags down at One More Bar, give Ken a giant hug, say hi to my Lao family and distribute my meager gifts I head to Happy Bar where a giant joint is waiting.
It's about noon. By 4pm I am sleeping off the excess booze and herb on said small mattress in One More Bar. I wake up to eat something and have a good, hearty talk with Ken about everything. I missed this place so much.
At one point, Noua passed by on a bicycle. Noua is the neighbor's kid. She's witty, always laughing and always running everywhere - quite extraordinary for a Lao person - and last time it was our little game that I'd try to catch her every time she'd walk by. So, I'm sitting by the "road" talking and she passes by. I see her and my mouth lets out a "Oh!" sound. She turns her head. Recognizes me right away, even after a 2 year absence and a giant beard missing. I start running after her. She's laughing so hard she can't pedal anymore. Such a good moment.
The next 2 days were spent getting acclimated - meaning napping all day - and just going around saying hi to all the residents of this amazing island. They don't remember who I am usually, but after I explain that I shaved or show them a picture of last time, their face lightens up and we share an immense smile.
Papao, another of the neighbor's kids, the one who isn't afraid of anything and has a kind of crazy strut and look in his eye, can't remember me. "Pei, tell him I'm the one that used to throw him so hard into the river". She translates. His eyes and smile become enormous, he throws himself in my arms.
There was Sun's 1st birthday party. Adam's boy. Adam is married to Pei. They live behind Ken's house. We're sitting in One More Bar chatting when the father of the family quietly struts by. Tells Ken, without ever slowing down or even looking at him, "We're having beer". Ken laughs. It's inevitable, everyone's getting hammered tonight.
Driving at night to a Lao party in a rice field on Ken's battered scooter. Suddenly, in the middle of the road, a snake about 5 feet long. Black with yellow stripes. Good girth too. I call him Lucic. "Woooooiiiii!" Ken goes and avoids the snake (his brakes are out). "Fuck, Etienne, I lose my mind I so scared. This snake, number 1 danger in Lao. He bite, you die in minute". Quite the adrenaline rush.
A few days later, we're all sharing beers. Rachid tells me, he had the scare of his life, he was walking in the dark, quite high, and almost stepped on this black and yellow snake. But it was dead. Ken is laughing so hard. His new friend and ultimate badass, Sit, had crossed the snake one night and killed it. He doesn't even remember how, he says, it was just instincts. As a joke, he lay the snake in the middle of the road to scare people.
There's a few differences on the island since the last time. I'm here during low season, it's much more quiet. We still get rain almost every day. I guess as a direct result, I see more wildlife. I've seen about 6 snakes in 2 weeks, last time in 3 months I saw only one. More locals and ex-pats talk to me, I guess because I've returned, shown my interest in the place. I've even let the word out that I'm looking to settle down here one day to see what happens. Result: "Eh-Tee-Enn! I speak with my friend. He has daughter. If you have money, you can marry her no problem!" "Is she pretty?" "I didn't see".
In a place with not much to do and small population, gossip is an important activity. You have to be careful. Anything you say will travel. You can lose face that way. Or make new friends.
I've picked up a few more words and am starting to be able to create sentences. I've realized that every single time you go walking, people ask you where you're going. Pai Sai? Go where? You don't even have to reply, it's just a way to start the conversation. Most people just point ahead with their chin and smile. When you walk back, they ask you where you were. Every. Single. Time.
I don't know how to describe Don Det. How about, a place where you go to rent a bungalow for one day, help the family write a sign down for their restaurant. All of a sudden, you're part of the crew. You get to eat Pho for free. You get to sit down with them on the floor and watch Thai tv, drinking beer with Papa or cuddle with the daughter, depending on your sex. Next thing you know, your visa is running out. It's been a month.
A place where hammocks are only outnumbered by smiles, where locals and foreigners mingle naturally, where time is quietly napping in the shade and no one will wake it up.
I love you, Don Det.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
Vie manquée
There's this guy at work - 40 years old, rocker type, faded dragon tattoo around his left arm - who's always pissed.
One day during a conversation with other co-workers, his name came up. I had to ask. "What's this dude's deal?". The answer I got was: "He messed up his life. Big house, car, pool, but he lives alone in there". Simple explanation. Yet, I started to ponder...
All the dudes at work, they're all the same. They all have a house, car, pool, girl. Is it really because he doesn't have a wife and kids that he messed up? Do they understand how quickly they could lose everything?
It was the first time I heard such a thing. "Manquer sa vie", not being succesful - at life!
When I try to think of something like that, I can only picture a homeless guy, or some old CEO in a tuxedo drinking by himself somewhere. Two very different visions, but in both of them the man is alone.
But really, it's all about your dreams and goals, amirite?
When I was a wee 14 years young, I used to think that if I never have dreams and goals, I will never be disapointed in my life. Right. Live for the moment, all that punk rock stuff.
14 years later, and I find I have accomplished nothing, because I have worked for nothing. Single, broke, renting my parents' condo. Messing up my life? I was starting to feel that way.
It's realising that I was drinking alone - not because I didn't have friends, but because they were busy doing their own shit - that kick-started this whole life-changing thing.
It's never too late. That's what I told myself when I turned single yet again, at 26. I learned to ice skate, I picked up a guitar, I tried new drugs, I'm going on a months-long trip in a land far away. It's that mentality that keeps me going. Never fucking give up. Never fucking surrender.
Maybe by regular, fit-in-the-mold standards I am not very succesful at life. But when they tell my tales at my funerals, they'll have enough shit to talk about to last them all night - and that's good with me.
I may be broke, but I consider myself rich. Memories, experiences, friends... I have had a lot of fun in life so far. It was starting to diminish, and so it's time to change. And I am welcoming that change with open arms. Feed me. Nurish me. Get me out of my fucking comfort bubble... Surprise me.
You may be wondering what I'm trying to get at. Me too hehehe. I think back to 2010, the year of the break-up. I may have had 30 sober days out of 356 that year. I had all kinds of problems. But I kept smiling, and a lot of people came up to me and flat-out said they found me inspiring. My couch welcomed half a dozen broken up dudes, guys that were sad, angry, lost... They all opened up to me (after a few drinks), and it was incredibly fulfilling to hear that heartfelt thank you bro when they were walking out of my door.
The last drink n think session has long passed now, and yes, I kinda miss it. This blog might just be a natural occurence, a survival reaction... evolution. My chance to help more people through the inter-webs.
I guess all I'm trying to say is that, if you find yourself starting to depress because you find your life lacking some things, let go of these unexisting things. Focus on what you have. Picture what you want - small goals at first, then build your way up, step by step.
We might meet on that staircase.
Make sure you hi-5 me.
Live for yourself.
One day during a conversation with other co-workers, his name came up. I had to ask. "What's this dude's deal?". The answer I got was: "He messed up his life. Big house, car, pool, but he lives alone in there". Simple explanation. Yet, I started to ponder...
All the dudes at work, they're all the same. They all have a house, car, pool, girl. Is it really because he doesn't have a wife and kids that he messed up? Do they understand how quickly they could lose everything?
It was the first time I heard such a thing. "Manquer sa vie", not being succesful - at life!
When I try to think of something like that, I can only picture a homeless guy, or some old CEO in a tuxedo drinking by himself somewhere. Two very different visions, but in both of them the man is alone.
But really, it's all about your dreams and goals, amirite?
When I was a wee 14 years young, I used to think that if I never have dreams and goals, I will never be disapointed in my life. Right. Live for the moment, all that punk rock stuff.
14 years later, and I find I have accomplished nothing, because I have worked for nothing. Single, broke, renting my parents' condo. Messing up my life? I was starting to feel that way.
It's realising that I was drinking alone - not because I didn't have friends, but because they were busy doing their own shit - that kick-started this whole life-changing thing.
It's never too late. That's what I told myself when I turned single yet again, at 26. I learned to ice skate, I picked up a guitar, I tried new drugs, I'm going on a months-long trip in a land far away. It's that mentality that keeps me going. Never fucking give up. Never fucking surrender.
Maybe by regular, fit-in-the-mold standards I am not very succesful at life. But when they tell my tales at my funerals, they'll have enough shit to talk about to last them all night - and that's good with me.
I may be broke, but I consider myself rich. Memories, experiences, friends... I have had a lot of fun in life so far. It was starting to diminish, and so it's time to change. And I am welcoming that change with open arms. Feed me. Nurish me. Get me out of my fucking comfort bubble... Surprise me.
You may be wondering what I'm trying to get at. Me too hehehe. I think back to 2010, the year of the break-up. I may have had 30 sober days out of 356 that year. I had all kinds of problems. But I kept smiling, and a lot of people came up to me and flat-out said they found me inspiring. My couch welcomed half a dozen broken up dudes, guys that were sad, angry, lost... They all opened up to me (after a few drinks), and it was incredibly fulfilling to hear that heartfelt thank you bro when they were walking out of my door.
The last drink n think session has long passed now, and yes, I kinda miss it. This blog might just be a natural occurence, a survival reaction... evolution. My chance to help more people through the inter-webs.
I guess all I'm trying to say is that, if you find yourself starting to depress because you find your life lacking some things, let go of these unexisting things. Focus on what you have. Picture what you want - small goals at first, then build your way up, step by step.
We might meet on that staircase.
Make sure you hi-5 me.
Live for yourself.
Introduction obligatoire
1st post... Obligatory introduction? Time to talk about my motives and visions? Let's start with my surroundings... I'm sitting on a sidewalk bench, on Avenue Mont-Royal, in beautiful Montréal, my home town. It's getting cold outside, but for the first time in 10 years, my hair is longer than my beard (which is getting pretty scruffy in itself) and offers good insulation. Drinking Arizona Iced Tea and dicking around on my iPod...
In truth, this is the perfect time to start a blog. I used to have one - about gaming and comics - that I would update during working hours. This one will be different however. It's going to help me understand my own moral compass... A sort of personal journal open for discussions. Hey, maybe it'll entertain or inspire some peeps.
The crossroads which I am standing at, there's so many ways to go... Except back.
2 years ago, I broke up with "the big ex", the one everyone thought I was gonna have kids with. Ever since, it's been an emotional rollercoster. But you get used to these sensations. And so, I find myself becoming number and number, and only the highest of frustrations or the best of laughs (or help from drugs) gets to me.
Thus, my first step in that new life that I chose for myself, was to quit the customer service job that was killing me, find a more hands-on job for a few months, and purchase a one-way plane ticket.
I've never done anything like that. Always played it safe and boring, and drink all my money away to compensate. I still drink most of it away mind you, but this feeling of adventure, excitement, curiosity... I feel like a kid again. And it's starting to feel fuckin good.
I'm looking forward to speaking with internet weirdos. After all, I'm writing these words for you a much as for me. If not, I'd be writing in a book, and stashing it in a drawer somewhere. I tried Tumblr, but you can't leave comments. So, comment away.
Until my next evening walk interrupted by free Wi-Fi, have a good one.
Make bonds not bombs.
Étienne
In truth, this is the perfect time to start a blog. I used to have one - about gaming and comics - that I would update during working hours. This one will be different however. It's going to help me understand my own moral compass... A sort of personal journal open for discussions. Hey, maybe it'll entertain or inspire some peeps.
The crossroads which I am standing at, there's so many ways to go... Except back.
2 years ago, I broke up with "the big ex", the one everyone thought I was gonna have kids with. Ever since, it's been an emotional rollercoster. But you get used to these sensations. And so, I find myself becoming number and number, and only the highest of frustrations or the best of laughs (or help from drugs) gets to me.
Thus, my first step in that new life that I chose for myself, was to quit the customer service job that was killing me, find a more hands-on job for a few months, and purchase a one-way plane ticket.
I've never done anything like that. Always played it safe and boring, and drink all my money away to compensate. I still drink most of it away mind you, but this feeling of adventure, excitement, curiosity... I feel like a kid again. And it's starting to feel fuckin good.
I'm looking forward to speaking with internet weirdos. After all, I'm writing these words for you a much as for me. If not, I'd be writing in a book, and stashing it in a drawer somewhere. I tried Tumblr, but you can't leave comments. So, comment away.
Until my next evening walk interrupted by free Wi-Fi, have a good one.
Make bonds not bombs.
Étienne
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)