Thursday, 25 October 2012

Le gars acoudé au bar

Ce soir je suis allé boire une coup de pintes avec moi-même. Autant que cet événement est édifiant chaque fois qu'il se produit, il n'y a pas grand détails à en soustraire.

Sauf Geneviève.

Ce soir j'ai fait 3 bars, à moi tout seul, comme un grand. Les 2 premiers, je pouvais sentir le oooouf des serveuses. J'espere qu'il me parle pas de ses problèmes personnels.

Cheval Blanc. Minuit trente. Je m'assied. La bartender vient me voir.
''Hey, ca va?''.
Ouin, toi?
Ouin... bin, pas si pire, mais on dit oui par habitude.
Exact... Pas si pire ici aussi.
Tu veux quoi?
Une nwère.
Kin ta nwère. Si' piasses. Tu penses que j'ai quel âge?
Wow. Ça c'est la réponse à laquelle je-
Répond jamais aux femmes hin? Comprenable. Jva commencer.
Vas-y... d'habitude on me... non rien.
Te donne plus jeune hin? Ok. 28 ans.
Wow. Drette dessus.
Je suis la meilleure! T'as l'air de 24.
Ce qu'on me dit...
Moi j'ai 36. Geneviève, enchantée.
36! Bin non... Enchanté.

20 minutes plus tard, le temps de finir ma bière, Genevieve est de retour.
Je peux t'offrir un shooter pour la route? Stinger? Jameson? Vodka? Kess-
Jameson. S'il-te-plait.

Elle me donne mon shooter et part. Je le renifle, me prépare. Ferme mes yeux. L'engloutit. Miam. Ça fait du mal et du bien à la fois, comme l'amour.
Je m'ouvre les yeux, et tout le crisse de coin de bar est en train de s'acheter un shooter.
Elle revient me voir avec son Sex on the Beach (je pense).

Tu l'as déjà bu! Salaud!
Je sais! Merci!

Je suis parti sans dire au revoir. Je ne peux m'empêcher de me demander si elle faisait son travail de serveuse et essayait de me garder pour une pinte de suite, ou si elle avec l'expérience elle pouvait détecter les vagabonds qui voulaient juste s'engourdir les sens pour une nuit de plus. Ou si, comme un jeunot débutant, j'ose croire qu'elle me trouvait cute.

En m'apportant ma pinte de nwère, elle est pas restée pour me parler de ma vie ou la sienne. Elle est revenue juste avant que je parte pour me donner mon shot préféré. Et je la reverrai probablement jamais.

Crisse de pro.

Mais fuck, ma nuit valait la peine à cause d'elle.

Bonne soirée Geneviève.

Geneviève travaille au Cheval Blanc

Être alcoolique était si plaisant.

Here's a post I wrote on a reddit thread called Reddit-- what is your rock bottom moment, something that made you realize you had to change your life or else?... some time ago. Maybe it'll help some people.

I've been drinking beer for fun since I've been 13.
I love the taste, I love being drunk, I drink out of boredom like fat people eat out of boredom.
I'm now 28.
At 26 I had a break-up with the girl I thought I was going to raise kids with.
All my friends are in relationships and starting to pop babies.
I felt alone, seemed like nobody had the time to go out and party with me to help me get over her.
Mostly just hanging out on friday nights playing boardgames.
So I started going out alone. Going to shows, creeping at the bar.
I started drinking heavily, every day.
Alone, at home, listening to Lucero.

From October 2010 to October 2011, I must have had about 30 sober days.

I was sleeping an average of 3-4 hours a night (still had a full-time job).
I started having terrible back pain, on top of the growing beer belly, loss of health and self-esteem, and debt rising since I was drinking more than I was making money.
Decided that this was not the life I wanted.

I woke up one sunday feeling SO shitfaced.
Saw myself in the mirror and found myself disgusting.
I decided to take a 100-days soberness test.
That same day I was going to see Agnostic Front with a few friends.
They all wanted to get shifaced, bought me a few shots.
I announced my pledge, they told me to start it the next day.

I knew if I didn't do it THAT day, I would never do it. So I held my ground.
My friends got hammered all night, I focused on the music.

My pledge ended the 8th of February. I have lost 15 pounds, am not in debt anymore, am getting plenty of rest, the backpain is gone (turns out my liver was so swollen it was pushing on my Vertebral column).

Best of all, I am stronger than alcohol. Going to see Lucero this sunday.

Monday, 22 October 2012

Les gens que j'aime

This is my friend Caro.

I don't know if she realises it, but she means the world to me.

I don't remember how our friendship really started... First real hangout I can remember was when she invited me to see a show 2 years ago on a cold winter night. Her boyfriend was in europe and her friends couldn't go out with her.

I happily obliged. I love shows and good company. And making friends as an adult just seems to get harder and harder.

I also thought it was pretty cool of her. Most people in relationships start wearing shackles, out of respect - or of repercussions- of their significant other. Yet, here we were, at a tiny bar, listening to Keith Kouna. Her drinking beer, me with a virgin mary (I was in my 100 days without beer pledge), talking about everything and nothing, as if we'd known each other for a long time.

With this comes trust. Her trust that I would respect her relationship and not try to hit on her. And so I didn't.

I don't know if she realises how fucking shitty I had been feeling those days, and how much just that little carefree social outing helped me. She didn't care that I wasn't drinking - she was there to have a good time.

Caro is one of the most interesting people I know - mainly because she's kinda nuts, and fully embraces it. She never apologizes for what she is. If you don't like her, deal with it - she won't put a mask on for anyone.

But behind the torpedo of energy, outbursts of joy, and devil-may-care attitude, lies a person that is genuinely concerned for her friends and the people around her. The kind of values that seem to diminish more and more as we grow older. I've been holding on to this as hard as I could, but lately I had started giving up, seeing that I found it in other people so rarely. She gives me a reason to try and keep that heart of gold.

She tries to enjoy every minute of every day. She has fun everywhere she goes. If there's something in her life she doesn't like - fuck it - it's gone. She doesn't give a rat's ass what people think of her, or where she should be in society's hierarchy at her age. Doing things her own way.

She reminds me a lot of me and of how free I wish I was.

It was during an early summer night, with a cold beer in hand on a park bench, that I really got to know Caro. I knew she had been traveling a lot the past years and so I told her that I was planning to go on a trip to asia. Rather than ask a million questions like everyone else, all I got was:


And a beer cheer.

And that was so refreshing.

Not having to explain myself. What are you going to do for money? Where are you going to stay when you come back! You're just going to quit your job like that? What about your cats? We're not gonna see you for months? You're not scared?

No. All she did was tell me how much she loved it when she went. That it's the best thing I could do - ever. She gave me the motivation to finally start the process of changing my life around, whether she likes it or not.

She won't take responsibility for it.

Merci Caro.

Le Bum

When I was in high school everyone used to call me ''Le Bum'', probably because of my attire. I would pretty much wear cargo pants and a black sweatshirt every day, and so people thought my parents were poor. I just didn't give a crap about watches, necklaces... I'd change shoes when I couldn't skateboard in them anymore...

I've been living in my friends' house for the past 2 weeks, in their guest room. The last of my belongings that have not been boxed in are with me: my tv, my ps3 (gotta game!), my ipod (music!), and a portion of my clothes.

I told my parents I was not moving back to the condo I was renting from them, when I get back from asia. I'm tired of fighting with them. And so, for the first time in 5 years, I don't really have a place to call my own. A strange feeling is constantly over me these days, like I need people to get by. I've always been independent and proud, so it's quite a new sensation, and I don't really like it.

This is what made me think of my high school nickname. Le Bum. Truly, these days, I am. I am unemployed for the next few months too, with no regular income. That is also a first in 10 years.

Strange how everything is liberating however. No insurance to pay. No cable, internet, heating, no need to get up in the morning, no cats to feed... nothing to worry about.

Exactly how I thought I'd live my life when I was younger.

Today is my last day in this house in the suburbs. I have another friend who is visiting Turkey and asked me to watch his place and take care of his cat, and so when I'm done been lazy, I'll be going there.

When I get back from my trip, I'll be couch surfing again. Living off people's generosity, trying to get back with much less than what I'm used to.

It's quite a humbling experience.

Thursday, 4 October 2012

Les gens que j'aime.

My goal for this blog was to be a motivator for other people and myself, and to write regularly. A week in, and I already am facing writer's block.

I figured I should write about people that inspire me, but I didn't want to write about some celebrity I've never even shook hands with.

Enter this post.

This dude on the picture. I love this guy. A lot of people do too. Why? Genuine good guy, happy-go-lucky, funny... And a good friend.

Met this guy through a co-worker some 6 years ago. Also was in the circle of friends of "the big ex", and so we got to party together a bunch, and that's how I got to really know him.

He's a perfect exemple of "never too late". I think he's 30, not sure. Started tattooing this summer, seemingly out of the blue. We haven't approached the subject yet, but I suspect he got sick of his 9 to 5 job and decided to put his artistic talent to good use, and at the same time go with one of his passions.

I'm sure he talked it through with the wife (she's pretty awesome too) and so, at an age where most people start settling down and seek security, he took the plunge and decided to do what he liked instead - at a pay cut I'm sure (being an apprentice and all).

As far as we know, we only have one life to live. Why waste it doing something you don't really like, or can't stand at all?

If you're worried about the money, here's a pointer: stop comparing yourself to other people. Mind you, I don't have kids to take care of...

I guess it's one of the important choices to make. Time? Money? Passion? Like a rock-paper-scissors of life.

Age is just a number. Money is, too.

Stay young at heart

Angus works at Sin City MTL.